Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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