She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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