I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
