It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
