Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
