No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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