I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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