They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
