is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
