We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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