a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
