Moan for me like Helen Keller
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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