Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
