Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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