Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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