The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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