that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
