i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
