He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
