I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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