The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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