can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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