God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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