she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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