it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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