I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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