weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
