The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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