so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
