he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
