i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
