Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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