Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize