Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
