she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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