Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
