He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
