He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
