they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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