Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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