my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Come see our sink grown plant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
