I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
