I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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