just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
whose parrot is this?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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