and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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