I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
