he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
