We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This is my gift to your gina
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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