my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
