I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize