i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
