if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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