oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
