I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
