david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
