im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
