Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
