My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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