she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
