I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
