no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
