Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
